Zany Kings and a mole
by Pikana
Summary: Three kings, bored and trapped in an apartment by Master Hand, try to play Poker with a certain assist trophy. How did it turn into a discussion about world domination using Poker? I have no idea. But it appears that Ganondorf is the only sane one here!


Zany Kings and a mole

Also known as 'Where the bad guys act all OOC and Mr. Resetti finally stars in a fic!'

I don't own anything.

My attempt at detailed crack... oh God what am I doing...

* * *

Ganondorf was dressed in what looked like black, ancient Egyptian clothes. The king of evil was standing in front of an altar, performing what appeared to be an important ceremony. He chanted indescribable words as he poured black powder on the floor.

Then suddenly, King Dedede ran in, dressed in a polka dot shirt, a bow tie, striped pants, and plaid jacket, all in clashing colors of bright yellow, purple, red, and green. Multicolored feathers were stuck in his beanie as he began screaming at the top of his lungs. The oversized penguin jumped up onto the altar and began to tap dance, sing random lyrics with no tune and basically made a big fat fool of himself.

Bowser stalked onto the scene and then stared in the opposite direction to the other two.

"Stupidity. Another side affect of hunger. Hungry? Grab a Snickers!" he said tossing the chocolate bar to the penguin. The blue ruler made a dive for the bar and just as he was about to take a munch on it's creamy goodness...

"WHAT ARE YOU THREE DOING?" the three villains looked over to where Mr. Resetti was staring at them. Bowser growled and switched off the video camera that was filming the three of them while the nagging mole came up to them. "YOU THREE ARE THE MOST HARD CORE VILLAINS BESIDES WOLF! WHAT ARE YOU DOING BEHAVING LIKE MORONS AND WHY ARE YOU MOCKING RITUALS! WELL BACK IN MY DAY..."

"Oh shut up you overrated assist trophy." Ganondorf muttered as he kicked the non-brawler in the head. "Do you know what it's like being trapped in a house with these two without any powers or forms of entertainment? It's driving me insane."

"Hey! We're not that bad!" King Dedede protested.

"Please, you were the one who trapped us in this tiny apartment in the first place."

"Master Hand knows that he only locked us in because Bowser broke the power generator again! Then the king of evil was flapping away, teaching the kids on why they should support dictatorship and tyranny."

"It was a good idea!" the Gerudo protested

"Well who's idea was that? You were just as enthusiastic as we were you fat penguin." Bowser commented

"Have you looked in the mirror tubby?"

"Is that a challenge you wannabe villain?"

"HOLD IT! IF YOU THREE WANT TO CONTINUE BICKERING LIKE INFANTS THEN THAT'S FINE WITH ME! IF YOU WANT TO CONTINUE DESTROYING YOUR REPUTATIONS THEN THAT'S FINE WITH ME! EVERYTHING IS FINE WITH ME BECAUSE YOU DAMN KIDS OUTSIDE THE COMPUTER SCREEN ALWAYS RESET YOUR GAMES! THAT'S RIGHT! I KNOW YOU DO! I'M GOING TO..."

"We get the point!" the three yelled startling Mr. Resetti.

"So before you interrupted our Snicker's commercial, what were you going to ask us?" Ganondorf asked.

"I wanted to see if you three wanted some company. Also if you wanted to play some Poker with me."

The three villians were silent and stared at the assist trophy before they all said the same thing at the same time for the second time that day.

"What's Poker?"

"It's a card game that can earn you a lot of money." The two greedy animal kings grinned while the one of evil sighed.

"Fine... anything to get me out of this stupid Egyptian outfit."

* * *

*Cue one costume change*

* * *

"Why are you still wearing that ridiculous costume?" Bowser asked as he looked at King Dedede's colourful ensemble.

"Well you know very well you overgrown turtle! You burned my real clothes!"

"For the last time! I'm a koopa you halfwit!" the spiked monster growled as he leaned over to strangle him.

"As much as I love homicide and genocide, can we please lay off the murder? You know how Master Hand throws hissy fits when he finds blood on the floor." Ganondorf sighed.

"Okay! Now listen carefully! Little Mac taught me first and now I'll teach it to you! So you better listen up and listen up good. You three better be ready to repeat everything down to the punctuation marks because..."

"Get on with it." the three kings yelled.

Unbeknownst to our three villains, the night Mr. Resetti and Little Mac played every card game known to man was also the night Mr. Resetti was first introduced to the sweet, white substance commonly known as "sugar." Unfortunately for him, he remembered very little about the games he played, just bits and pieces that he has combined into one master game . . . Poker . . . or so he had thought...

The four seated themselves around the circular table they'd dragged into the living room and stared at the pack of cards sitting on the table.

"What now?" Ganondorf grunted

Mr. Resetti took the cards and pulled out one of every value (queen, seven, etc.). He laid them on the table and looked at the others in his presence. Why he had volunteered to keep an eye on them, he'd never know.

"Now, the first thing you do in Poker is distribute the cards."

"Ohhh fancy wooooooorrrrrrrddddddsssssss..." King Dedede said. Ganondorf face palmed and snapped his fingers in front of of the penguin's face "What? What'd I miss?"

"Nothing. Now, when Mac and I played, we used ten cards. We throw the ten cards into the air and try to grab as many as we can. Then, once we have cards, we..."

"Take over the world?" Bowser asked

"No. We trade them to get the ones we want, but we can only trade five times. When you want to trade, you have to yell..."

"Bow before me?" Ganondorf smirked

"No! We yell "UNO!" and say the person's name that you want to trade with. Then they run and you tackle them. If you successfully tackle them, then you get..."

"World Domination!" Bowser yelled, jumping up.

"NO! You get to trade. If they get away, you have to pick somebody else. When you get an eight you yell..."

"I am your leader, puny mortals! AH HA HA HA HAAAAAAA!" Ganondorf yelled sending the other two kings into a fit of laughter and making Mr. Resetti pull a face- not unlike someone who was popping a vein-

"NO YOU TWITS! You yell "CRAZY EIGHTS!" and throw all the cards in the air. Then we grab as many cards as we can again and if you get the most cards you win!"

"Win what? World Domination?" asked King Dedede

It was that moment where Ganondorf hit the giant penguin over the head. He had wanted to do it all day but he only did it now because Mr. Resetti looked like he was about to give the longest rant ever.

"Owie."

"Any questions?" Mr. Resetti asked, taking a few deep breaths and calming himself down.

It had seemed to have worked when...

"Yes... when in this game do we get to take over the world?" Bowser asked

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU? NO WORLD DOMINATION IS INVOLVED IN CARD GAMES!" Mr. Resetti yelled, stomping up and down on floor, before running out of the cursed apartment, locking the door behind him as he yelled hysterically.

"... well that turned out rather well." King Dedede commented

"Agreed. What was the time Ganon?"

"Thirty two minutes."

"Damn... we missed our record by that much..." Bowser groaned

"Who cares? So... Grey Fox is next?"

* * *

Insanity. Yep! I'm insane and have officially lost it.

Review!


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